Notebooks

I have a friend who is the Mom of three boys, one of them is a teenager and the other two are "tweens".  She told me a tradition that she has started with her boys to help keep the communication going between them and I thought it was so good I'd pass it along.  She bought three notebooks, one for each boy, and wrote a letter in the front of each notebook telling them that their new notebook was for them to be able to ask her any question they had and for her to be able to do the same.  They would write their question on a new page in their notebook and then leave it on her bed.  She would then write her answer to that question and write a question of her own for them to answer and then return it to their bed to be answered.  She said it has worked really well so far and has received some really cool question like "Why did you want to go back to school?" and she has received some nice answers to some of her questions.  I love this idea because it takes the "face-to-face" nervousness out of the equation and still keeps the conversation open.  I taught Jr. High for seven years and one thing I learned about teenagers is they don't want to look you in the eye and talk about something they are uneasy or unsure or embarrassed about.  I advised the cheerleaders at my school for 5 years and I used to do a similar thing where I gave them each a notebook as a "venting"space where they could write their concerns and problems and dislikes and even ask me questions in it if they wanted to...with the promise that I would only read what they asked me to and nothing else.  It was a great outlet for them and gave them a healthy way to let off steam...much better than cutting themselves or other crazy ideas teenagers think will help them feel better.  I loved receiving questions from them (which surprisingly happened a lot) and I loved having time to think about my answer and give them the best advise I could come up with.  It also kept me up to date on the underground things going on in the squad and in their lives.  Writing in their notebook was optional, but I rarely had a girl who didn't use it or love it!  My same friend who gave me the mommy/son notebook idea also says she loves to walk the dog with her boys because they seem to tell her a lot more when they are "side to side" as opposed to across from each other.  Communication with teenagers is so important, and so hard, that any ideas or solutions that work is worth their weight in gold!  I'm glad to have friends who share great ideas before I am the parent of teenagers so I am armed and ready to make it a good time for all of us!

First Day of School Idea

This is another idea I got from Pinterest that I absolutely love!  Take a picture of your child on the first day of school or at the beginning of the school year (most of us do that anyway) and then write their favorite things down to go with the picture.  I used Photoshop to put it directly on the photo, but you could also put the picture and the list next to each other in a photo album or scrapbook.  I have to say it was pretty fun to sit down with my little guy and "interview" him on his favorites.  It made me laugh at some of the things he said because I was surprised with some of his answers (like Tarzan, I think he's only seen it a few times).  I think it will be a fun tradition to do every year or even on the first day of school and on the last day of school to see how they've grown and changed in one school year.  When I was in fifth grade we put together a first day of school "time capsule" where we put a picture of us on the first day, a list of things that happened to us on the first day, and our fifth grade favorites and put them in a sack that we opened up on the last day of school.  I remember laughing at how much I had "grown up" and changed.  I think we might start a similar tradition in our family where we put some of our favorite memories of the summer, winter goals, pictures, family favorites, etc. and then open it up on the last day of school or first day of summer vacation.  I think it will be good for all of us to see if we reached our goals and also have a good laugh at how fun last summer was and how much we've all changed.  I'll post a picture of it when we get it done.  Until then, have fun putting together your children's "favorites".  It will be a memory they will love looking at for years to come!

Shower Curtain City Play Mat

I got this fabulous idea from Pinterest, my new time-wasting obsession!  You take a plastic shower curtain (I got mine for $2 at Walmart, but I've even seen them at the dollar store) and draw in roads, houses, etc. with a permanent marker.  The kids can color  the map when you are done (we used wet-erase markers to do the coloring, but colored Sharpies work too...I just don't trust my son with anything permanent).  

I wasn't even half-way done with the road before my little guy was lining his cars up along the road.  We also used his blocks to build trees and bridges, and other fun things.  He helped me decide what to draw on our map and we ended up with a park, a school, a construction zone (for all his work trucks), a zoo, a library, a church, a farm, and a shopping center.  It turned into an all day activity that my son LOVED!!  I have to admit I liked it too!  He asks almost every day if we can pull it out again.  My only word of advice is to not use a super shiny shower curtain like we did, the permanent marker tends to rub off a little and we had a few dark marks on our pants.  Other than that, it was a blast.  Another tip, to make your roads evenly spaced, tape two markers around a bottle so they stay evenly apart as you draw (see a picture here).  I didn't have two markers, so my roads are a little wobbly, but that didn't seem to bother my son.  You can get even more ideas on what to draw or add to your town HERE or HERE.  The second website shows a map with printed off signs like Target and In & Out.  So cute!  

And you don't have to only do a road.  My brilliant mom came up with the idea of drawing a big "doll" house with all the floors and then drawing in all the rooms and furniture.  It would be a perfect place for Barbies or Polly Pockets to play.  Or you could do a Castle the same way and play with the Disney princesses.  Or you could draw a castle landscape and play Dungeons and Dragons.  Or you could draw the Endor Moon and play Star Wars or any other action figure landscape.  Or you could trace the outline of your child's body and let them color in their hair and clothes.  You could even use dry erase markers so they could do this over and over...but that may be a little tricky with younger kids.  My mom and I came up with all these ideas in just a couple of minutes, but truly the possibilities are endless!  And to think so much fun can cost $2 or less!!  

Love & Logic

I just finished reading this book, which is the first on a long list of parenting books I want to read.  When I was teaching Junior High I would say my classroom discipline was set up along the guidelines of Love and Logic, and it worked great with the teenagers I taught.  What teenager doesn't want to feel like they have control?  So I've been wanting to read the "parenting" love and logic book to glean ideas specifically for my new role as Mommy. I really enjoyed reading it.  I think with all books like this one you have to build your own personality and family around the framework the authors describe, but I definitely gained a few insights I plan on using, such as:

• If you can't change the behavior, change the location.  For example, if your children are acting terrible at the table during dinner you can give them the choice to eat nicely at the table or play quietly on the floor.  Or if they are doing something obnoxious calmly tell them they can stop when they are around you or they may continue doing that in their room.  I love this because you are not controlling their behavior, just the location they are doing it in.  What a way to bypass a power struggle!
• Focus on the things you can control.  The example the authors gave in the book was eating at a restaurant with your child and asking them to hurry and eat so you can leave.  You can't control how fast the child is eating, but you can control when the car is leaving so you say "The car is leaving in 5 minutes.  You can leave with us full or you can leave with us hungry."  I love this because then they have to think about what they want and not how much they hate you because you are making them do things.  
• Use thinking words instead of commands.  I do a lot of this already because that's how I taught in my classroom (teenagers do not respond well to commands), but it was nice to get some ideas specifically to parenting.  An example they give in the book is instead of ordering children to put on their coat you can ask "would you like to wear your coat or carry it."  There is a whole chart in the back of the book with ideas for this concept such as: Instead of "Sit down.  We are going to eat." you say "We will eat as soon as you are seated."  Or instead of "Don't shout at me." you can say "I listen to people who do not yell at me."  I have a friend that does this with her boys, it's hilarious.  When she wants them to clean their rooms, instead of ordering them around she says "I'll be happy to take you to karate as soon as your room is clean" then she sits down on the couch with a book or whatever else she was doing and waits.  She says it works every time.
• Use the natural consequence to teach appropriate behavior.  For example: let them be cold if they refuse to put on their coat.  Or my personal favorite, if they don't eat their dinner and want to get up from the table say to them "sure, but I hope you ate enough to last you till your next meal."  The hard part about this rule is sticking with it.  It is so hard as a mom to watch your child be hungry all night when they have to wait until breakfast to eat.  But I guarantee it will make a lasting impression.  The book has lots of good ideas for this concept!

I also like that they point out in the book that these principles take a lot of practice and that your children are still going to fight you and throw tantrums but if you stick with it they will work.  There are lots more good ideas in here (the whole second half contains "pearls" that give you real life scenarios and how to deal with them the "love and logic" way) and I recommend the book to any parent, especially if you want ideas on how to eliminate the power struggle.  I will say that in following the authors' principles you have to have a little patience and be willing to give up some of your control.  And you might have to watch them suffer a natural consequence.    But it is good stuff and I've already started to use these ideas on my challenging three-year-old...and anything that can help tame that cute little monster gets two thumbs up from me!

Smartphone?

Do your kids say cute things or do cute things and you think to yourself "I've got to write this down so I won't forget it?" and then never find the time to write it down?  That is me about every day!  Well, luckily for us we live in the age of technology so why not use it to help us journal!  Here's an idea: if you have a Smartphone or iPhone, pull it out (assuming you've actually put it away) when they say and do those cute things and send an email  to yourself with the name of the said child (or children) in the subject line.  You can make this email as quick as you want (maybe just a few words to jog a memory) and add details later.  You can easily find the emails later by doing a quick search of the child's name.  Sadly, I don't have a Smartphone or an iPhone so maybe I'll have to resort to sending a text to myself or something.  But I love finding quick ways to record those happy memories so that I can refer to them when my little monster is laying on the floor at Walmart screaming because I won't buy him some M&Ms.  Hope this idea helps you!