Love & Logic

I just finished reading this book, which is the first on a long list of parenting books I want to read.  When I was teaching Junior High I would say my classroom discipline was set up along the guidelines of Love and Logic, and it worked great with the teenagers I taught.  What teenager doesn't want to feel like they have control?  So I've been wanting to read the "parenting" love and logic book to glean ideas specifically for my new role as Mommy. I really enjoyed reading it.  I think with all books like this one you have to build your own personality and family around the framework the authors describe, but I definitely gained a few insights I plan on using, such as:

• If you can't change the behavior, change the location.  For example, if your children are acting terrible at the table during dinner you can give them the choice to eat nicely at the table or play quietly on the floor.  Or if they are doing something obnoxious calmly tell them they can stop when they are around you or they may continue doing that in their room.  I love this because you are not controlling their behavior, just the location they are doing it in.  What a way to bypass a power struggle!
• Focus on the things you can control.  The example the authors gave in the book was eating at a restaurant with your child and asking them to hurry and eat so you can leave.  You can't control how fast the child is eating, but you can control when the car is leaving so you say "The car is leaving in 5 minutes.  You can leave with us full or you can leave with us hungry."  I love this because then they have to think about what they want and not how much they hate you because you are making them do things.  
• Use thinking words instead of commands.  I do a lot of this already because that's how I taught in my classroom (teenagers do not respond well to commands), but it was nice to get some ideas specifically to parenting.  An example they give in the book is instead of ordering children to put on their coat you can ask "would you like to wear your coat or carry it."  There is a whole chart in the back of the book with ideas for this concept such as: Instead of "Sit down.  We are going to eat." you say "We will eat as soon as you are seated."  Or instead of "Don't shout at me." you can say "I listen to people who do not yell at me."  I have a friend that does this with her boys, it's hilarious.  When she wants them to clean their rooms, instead of ordering them around she says "I'll be happy to take you to karate as soon as your room is clean" then she sits down on the couch with a book or whatever else she was doing and waits.  She says it works every time.
• Use the natural consequence to teach appropriate behavior.  For example: let them be cold if they refuse to put on their coat.  Or my personal favorite, if they don't eat their dinner and want to get up from the table say to them "sure, but I hope you ate enough to last you till your next meal."  The hard part about this rule is sticking with it.  It is so hard as a mom to watch your child be hungry all night when they have to wait until breakfast to eat.  But I guarantee it will make a lasting impression.  The book has lots of good ideas for this concept!

I also like that they point out in the book that these principles take a lot of practice and that your children are still going to fight you and throw tantrums but if you stick with it they will work.  There are lots more good ideas in here (the whole second half contains "pearls" that give you real life scenarios and how to deal with them the "love and logic" way) and I recommend the book to any parent, especially if you want ideas on how to eliminate the power struggle.  I will say that in following the authors' principles you have to have a little patience and be willing to give up some of your control.  And you might have to watch them suffer a natural consequence.    But it is good stuff and I've already started to use these ideas on my challenging three-year-old...and anything that can help tame that cute little monster gets two thumbs up from me!