Notebooks

I have a friend who is the Mom of three boys, one of them is a teenager and the other two are "tweens".  She told me a tradition that she has started with her boys to help keep the communication going between them and I thought it was so good I'd pass it along.  She bought three notebooks, one for each boy, and wrote a letter in the front of each notebook telling them that their new notebook was for them to be able to ask her any question they had and for her to be able to do the same.  They would write their question on a new page in their notebook and then leave it on her bed.  She would then write her answer to that question and write a question of her own for them to answer and then return it to their bed to be answered.  She said it has worked really well so far and has received some really cool question like "Why did you want to go back to school?" and she has received some nice answers to some of her questions.  I love this idea because it takes the "face-to-face" nervousness out of the equation and still keeps the conversation open.  I taught Jr. High for seven years and one thing I learned about teenagers is they don't want to look you in the eye and talk about something they are uneasy or unsure or embarrassed about.  I advised the cheerleaders at my school for 5 years and I used to do a similar thing where I gave them each a notebook as a "venting"space where they could write their concerns and problems and dislikes and even ask me questions in it if they wanted to...with the promise that I would only read what they asked me to and nothing else.  It was a great outlet for them and gave them a healthy way to let off steam...much better than cutting themselves or other crazy ideas teenagers think will help them feel better.  I loved receiving questions from them (which surprisingly happened a lot) and I loved having time to think about my answer and give them the best advise I could come up with.  It also kept me up to date on the underground things going on in the squad and in their lives.  Writing in their notebook was optional, but I rarely had a girl who didn't use it or love it!  My same friend who gave me the mommy/son notebook idea also says she loves to walk the dog with her boys because they seem to tell her a lot more when they are "side to side" as opposed to across from each other.  Communication with teenagers is so important, and so hard, that any ideas or solutions that work is worth their weight in gold!  I'm glad to have friends who share great ideas before I am the parent of teenagers so I am armed and ready to make it a good time for all of us!